Only Train to Hogwart's
by Random Loves
Summary: Hermione has a boyfriend and Harry...is a people person. A 7th Year Parody-Song Fic in just over 1500 words complete with Monkees. Go on give a read (insert innocent smile) ONE SHOT


Title – Only Train to Howart's  
Author – Spaz141  
Rating – PG  
Category – Parody/Romance  
Warnings – none  
Pairings – HG/SS

a/n Thank you to Miscard for your beta reading and catching all my typos (shame on me!).

**Warning! It's a song fic (and most likely a bad one).**

Dedicated to Jenocclumency whose love for Peter Tork (and my Friday night drunkedness) inspired this piece of …insert applicable term and to Selened whose lj I started all this Monkee Business at, in the first place **_grins_**

Disclaimer - Original Words and Music to the Last Train to Clarksville by  
Tommy Boyce and Bobby Hart  
The Harry Potter characters belong to Joanne Rowling

_Take the only train to Hogwarts,  
I can't meet you at the station.  
You better be there by ten thirty,  
Or you may miss your reservation.  
Don't be slow, oh, no, no, no!  
Oh, no, no, no!_

_Got a Death Eater meetin' in the morning  
And I must see you again  
We'll have just one night together  
Summer without you has driven me insane.  
But I must go, oh, no, no, no!  
Oh, no, no, no!  
And I don't know if I'm ever coming home._

_Take the only train to Hogwarts.  
I'll be waiting in my dungeons.  
We'll have time for deep forbidden kisses  
And a bit of conversation.  
Oh... Oh, no, no, no!  
Oh, no, no, no!_

_Take the only train to Hogwarts,  
Now I must pull my head out of the floo.  
I can't hear you in this noisy  
Staff room I'm not alone._

_I'm feelin' low. Oh, no, no, no!  
Oh, no, no, no!  
And I don't know if I'm ever coming home.  
_

_Take your last train to Hogwarts,  
Take your last train to Hogwarts,_

Hermione smiled and folded the special pink…_Howler_ in half, thanking Merlin her parents weren't home to hear. Sometimes Severus could be really (scary)romantic she shuddered.

She pictured him sitting at his desk, wearing the dark blue knit cap she'd knitted for him last Christmas, writing out this…it wasn't exactly a _love song._ She threw her head back and laughed at her vision. She did love it when he fell out of character every once in a while; well only very once in a while. She liked her man snarky.

_Severus and Hermione had started seeing each other last Hallowe'en. Severus hadn't been too keen on taking up with a student, but he couldn't help himself it was just written that way. It did help that Hermione was already seventeen and of age in the Wizarding World at least. After years of assuming she was a year younger than she was, being informed that Hermione was in fact of age was a pleasant and rather convenient surprise._

Just as she had safely tucked the letter away Ron stumbled into her room.

_Ron, Harry, and Ginny had all spent the last two weeks of summer at Hermione's home. Why? No one knew for sure, however, her parents were thrilled to have everyone over and a house full of young people. The Granger's had wanted more children another daughter perhaps but for some reason she never materialised, forgotten maybe?_

"Whatcha doing 'mione?" Ron asked his mouth full of food.

"Nothing," Hermione said nervously, "and don't call me 'mione you know I hate it…and ewwww cover your mouth."

"So 'mione when are you going to get with the program and fall madly in love with me like you're supposed to?" Ron asked.

Hermione rolled her eyes and laughed, "You'll be waiting a long time for that book to be published."

"Awwwwe, come on 'mione, you know you want me." Ron whined whilst grabbing his _sizable_ crotch.

"Ron, not gonna happen luv, " Hermione stated, "You know I have a boyfriend."

"Ahhh yes the mysterious boyfriend," Ron responded, "We've been here two weeks how come we've never met him?"

"Ron…He's not here right now, you know that…he's in Scotland." Hermione explained for the 100th time, it was partially the truth.

Hermione couldn't hold back from grinning as she boarded her _last train to Hogwart's_. Soon she would be back in Severus' arms. She silently prayed that the song was just a joke and that he didn't really have a Death Eater meeting tomorrow morning. In that thought her grin turned to a frown.

If Voldemort planned to stick to the formula, he wouldn't even try to kill Harry until at least May, early June more likely. She sighed losing herself in thoughts of Harry, poor, sweet, sad, bisexual Harry.

Harry loved Ron, Ginny, Neville and Luna, and this one time in a dark broom closet…Draco. Hermione shuddered at the memory of Harry's confession to her during his summer visit. Maybe the _Power He Knows Not _is that he could probably snog Voldemort more boneless than he already was and the shock of getting some lovin' would cause Voldemort to drop dead right at Harry's feet? Maybe, she mused. Nope, don't think about Harry she chided, think happy thoughts like soon you will see your one true love.

The Hogwart's Express finally pulled into Hogsmeade. As Head Girl, Hermione quickly disembarked and met up with fellow Muggle Born and Head Boy Ernie Macmillian to help organize the students into carriages and the first years over to the lake cross over with Hagrid. It was the first time in Hogwart's history that two Muggle Borns had been selected as Heads. Hermione was in her element ordering everyone around. Ron tried to tease her a bit but when no one was looking she simply fired a hex that gave him itchy balls.

Boarding the last carriage back to the castle her heart raced in anticipation of seeing Severus again, _her Severus._

It seemed like forever when finally the welcoming feast was finally over, first years were settled into their respective houses, Ernie and Hermione finished their patrols and then finally she made her way to the dungeons.

She had been stealing glances at her beloved all night and once or twice she managed to catch him stealing a glance at her too. Her body shivered with anticipation and she raised her delicate small hand to knock on the large imposing oak door leading to Severus' private rooms.

Severus opened the door quickly glanced around to make sure no other students were lurking about. He made a point of having no portraits around his quarters just for this purpose. He quickly pulled her in and pinned her again the closed door and capturing her lips in a searing, passionate, drugging, bone melting kiss before scooping his love up in his arms and carrying her to bed.

_The Quibbler_

_On the tenth of June 1998 the Boy-Who-Lived(to shag everyone) successfully defeated He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named…for good this time._

_Details of the battle are sketchy at best and it appears that several witnesses have been obliviated. One reliable source claimed that Harry Potter defeated What's-His-Name with a kiss. A Dementor's kiss perhaps? No one really knows..._

Hermione read the article out loud and when finished she folded the magazine and passed it back to Harry, a genuine smile on her lips. Harry returned the smile…they knew what really happened.

Harry couldn't help but notice the gigantic yet tasteful emerald, nestled in the open jaws of two silver serpents, ring adorning Hermione's elegant, graceful finger. "He asked you then?" Harry inquired.

Hermione glanced up at Severus seated at the head table, gave him a quick wink and turned back to Harry, "Yes, yes he did."

"Will he make you happy?" Harry inquired further.

"Very," Hermione replied simply.

"Ron will be devastated when he finds out you know." Harry stated.

"Well then, I guess you'll just have to comfort him…" Hermione commented with a sly smile.

"I guess I will," Harry responded with his own grin.

"You are the best friend a bloke could ever have, you know that. I love you Hermione."

"I love you too Harry."

_Severus knelt before the Dark Lord and said, "How may I serve you this morning Master?"_

"_Rise Severus," Voldemort said, "I require you to train the new recruits."_

_Standing up as instructed he looked to Voldemort._

"_Michael, Mickey, Davey and Peter step forward," ordered Voldemort._

_Severus stared at the tall man with the bored expression on his face wearing…a dark blue knit cap._

"Nooooooooo!" Severus shouted.

Severus awoke from his nightmare. "It was just a dream," he sighed.

The warm body beside him stirred, "Did you have another nightmare luv?" Hermione asked.

Rolling on top of his wife of two years Severus drank in the beauty laying beneath him, "Mine." he whispered before planting a hot needy kiss against her luscious lips.

"You okay?" Hermione asked as she pulled away to take a much-needed breath.

"Perfect," Severus purred nuzzling at the crook of her swanlike neck.

"Good then, could you move over? You're squishing me and the baby." Hermione stated as gently as possible.

Embarrassed Severus groaned and moved over, his hand reaching under his pillow searching for his…comfort.

"Looking for this luv?" Hermione asked holding up his dark blue knit cap.

He gave her a big creepy yet beautiful smile as he stroked the slight swell in her belly and said, "You are too good for me. Thank you for marrying me."

"I wouldn't have married anyone else." she said lovingly cupping her hand against his cheek.

And then they kissed and did some other husbandy, wifey stuff.

_The End – thank the good lord for that! Amen._


End file.
